Enough

I think a lot about worth. I struggle to know deep down that I have worth. Watching the Henri Nouwen video I mentioned last week, a conversation with a student, and Kyle praying for me at night to know that I'm deeply loved, it's been on my mind even more lately. I think many of us struggle with the question, "Am I enough?" Am I smart/funny/strong/amazing enough? Am I enough to be loved? Am I doing enough? Do people think I'm enough? Does God?

Those questions aren't at the forefront of our minds all the time. But I've had plenty of conversations with students and others who wonder. And the awful thing is, everyone thinks they're alone in asking those questions.

When you believe you aren't enough, everything in this world confirms it. Ads tell you what you need to live the good life, but you don't have what they're selling. You didn't get that grade or award or job. You aren't the "fill-in-adjective-here" one in your circle of friends. You don't have enough time to fit everything in that you're supposed to do in life to be successful. You haven't done enough to meet your expectations, or your parents', or God's.

But when you believe you are enough, it all becomes just events and circumstances in life. It doesn't bring your worth into question. None of it can prove you're not enough. Because the proof that you're enough is God loves you, and that's that.

Serve One Another

Wednesday, at my church Small Group, I got a hard icebreaker question. How can we grow as a community? My answer: Kyle's like a black belt-Jedi-McGyver at service; it's how he shows love. I often fail to think how I can serve people, while it's on Kyle's mind a lot. Beyond serving shared needs, we could take time to consider each other. Sometimes people won't voice their needs or even know what they are. We miss out on loving people simply because we're not being thoughtful.

1 Peter 4:10-11 says, "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace... whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ." God is glorified when we serve one another. We're blessed, too. It's beautiful when we shift our gaze from our needs, worries, whatever, to one another. God transforms and uses us, and we get more of the life He intends us for.

Thursday, I did laundry and grocery shopping. Kyle's swamped with work, had jury duty, and as a cherry on top, caught a cold. Often I'm the swamped or sick one, and Kyle comes to the rescue. It felt good to serve him by taking care of those to-do's.

Friday, I was able to serve in a different way when I met with a student facing hard things. We studied Scripture, prayed, and talked about our worth and how to honor parents. It's why I love ministry - helping someone know truth, Jesus healing them, changing the rest of their life. Thanks for praying and giving so I can be there.

I'm excited to see what today holds. The trick will be to serve by the strength God gives. It's easy to rely on myself and burn out! What about you? Has God given you a cool idea of how to serve others lately? How has it blessed you and glorified God?

Some Great Talks

At the fundraising and ministry partnership training I went to, we heard this 17 min. sermon on our identity as God's beloved children by Henri Nouwen. Then one of my church Small Group members shared it. So I thought I'd post it for y'all!

How often do we forsake our identity as beloved children, because we desperately seek our identity in what people say, what we accomplish, what we accumulate? I struggle through this in fundraising, leading my church Small Group and students in InterVarsity, loving Kyle well, and how sometimes I just want to escape into movies and TV. Can I let God change my mind and heart, to know my identity doesn't come from others' approval or rejection, hard work or laziness, a 100% raised budget or no money, awesome ministry stories or stories of failure? Instead of twisting into sorrow or bitterness, can rejection and failure point me to God's first love?

I recently heard this 20 min. TED talk by Brené Brown connecting vulnerability, shame, and wholeheartedness. Shame, the fear that something's wrong with us and we're not worth loving. We numb vulnerability, because it's a two-edged sword - it can lead to shame when we're rejected, but it can also lead to wholehearted lives, full of courage, compassion, connection, and joy. She gives signs of numbing vulnerability and ideas to embrace vulnerability and live wholeheartedly.

Coming Out of Blog-Hibernation

I certainly haven't been hibernating in the real world, though. Since I last wrote in April, I helped put on our annual fundraising banquet in Houston, led an evangelism training at SFA, and held a farewell dinner for A&M graduating seniors. Then, Kyle and I took a vacation to Disney World! Pictures will be up on Facebook soon! Once I finish sorting through them... Then I traveled to the Austin area for 2 weeks in May to train students in how to lead Small Groups at our end-of-year chapter camp, RecWeek. I'm always blessed but exhausted afterwards; I collapse and just lay around for a few days. After a brief week and a half at home, it was off to Austin for some training on fund raising and partnership development, followed by a trip to Alabama to see Kyle's sister, brother-in-law, and our 2 nieces. And did I mention we started our kitchen remodel while I was at RecWeek? It's been a bit of a blur, and I haven't kept in touch with people like I wanted to. But never fear! I'm back in town for most of the summer, so I should be able to return phone calls and emails, and maybe even initiate some phone calls and emails myself. I can't thank y'all enough for your prayers and encouragement!